What can I say.....

I slept okay last night. I slept next to my mom. I woke up a couple times in the morning dieing to feel you beside me. I was dieing to feel your arms around me. I was tempted to just drive home and ask you to hold me. But then I realized that you had your arms around someone else the last few days. I have no clue what you did up there but I know that it was affectionate. I wish that you would go running up to me, tell me how much you love me, tell me that it wasn't anything with her, that you felt nothing. It may be true, it may not. i have noooooo clue. I don't want to know. FUCK THS SUCKS!!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO OUT LIKE THIS!!!!!. I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU!. Please don't call me childish, you don't even have a clue how much it is going to hurt just to look at you. You are a different person now. Maybe now you are a "grown up" Maybe now that you know what it is like to be with someone else, the nostalgia of being with me is over. Our childhood is officially dead. we are dead. It was a moment in time. I would do anything to get it back. You are a stranger to me now. All these years and look where we are, bitter fucking sweet. Stupid fucking lies. Idealistic fools. Real life, heart ache, and true dissappointment were just waiting for us around the corner. Too good to be true. We were not the exception. Was it all a dream? I am mouring the death of us. Mouring, dieing, beyond belief sad. We cannot be in each others lives. I can't bear to see you happy right now. Move forward, eyes forward, don't look back, roll with change, or get left behind. Love again, don't be jaded. Love is fun, good, and everything. Please let me come out ok, not weak. I want to be ok. I want to grow tremedously from this.