Homecoming?

I don't know why you are coming home early. I just know that I couldn't be happier. I know that it probably isn't because you had a revelation "Ah, I love Natalie! I must go home to her!" Oh God how I wish that would be true. I didn't dare ask you why the sudden decision to come home. Honestly, I don't want to know the answer. I might not like it. I can only speculate. Was it because her husband came home early? Are you just home sick? Who are you? Who are you? Stranger tell me. Tell me what it is that you do and why you do it. I want to get to know you all over again. I am older now, wiser, kinder, so much better than who I was a few years ago. I will give credit where credit is do. And a lot of credit is do to you. I would not be who I am today if it were not for you. I may be a glimmer of who I am today. But I know how to love, with all my heart, I know what love it because of you. I hope you can say the same about me. let me relinquish all i feel about you onto you. but please don't tell me how you feel about me. I can't take your words. I have lost a lot of belief in your words. You told me I would be second best. I am cautious now. I am loving you, but I have one eye on you the whole time and one eye on the gun (figuratively). That isn't fair to you. Is it? I want to love with my whole heart. I am bruised. The wounds are still open and fresh. Please don't rub salt in them. I need them to close. I need to breath. Oh Julio, no one is as beautful as you. You are so wonderful. So much of you I wish I could be. I admire you, I look up to you. I am not on your level. I am too sensitive to be there. I will never be like you. There is too much I can't be. This is who I am . I am sensitive, idealistic, and aware of how I interact with others. Every human on the earth, just like you, desearves to be looked into the eyes. When they have something to say they desearve to be heard. I care how I treat others. I see them as fragile, once good, once pure, but time has scarred them. They re not the innocent, clean babies they once were. But that is who we really are. We are not natuarlly vindictive. We want to love, be loved, laugh and cry. The pain makes us who we are. Without the pain we wouldn't be human. Being human is a cruse. Life is long and full of pain. But I know you are not bad. You are not evil. You are who you are. I am trying to find my way too. I love you. Hearing your voice makes me so happy, the pain melts away within moments. How bad is that for me? It may be false. I am not the one you want. I know I am not the one you want. I need to keep reminding myself of that. It is what keeps me grounded. It keeps me level. The pain is the only thing that doesn't lie to me. The pain is what keeps my eyes open. Your voice gave me light, but it is just dull light. I feel like nothing, worthless, god help me. be strong, be someone you are not for a few moments. Don't be a foolish child. I am a little girl. Growing hurts. It is slow and it hurts. pleasae give me room. I need room. I want it all. I want you and I want to be the person you want me to be. With your love I feel validated. I feel strong, as if I am worth something. like I exsit. It is so sad I can't do this on my own. I hate myself. I am disgusted with myself. I know the pain, the pain is real. You are so bad for me. You are an addiction. I am addicted. As long as you come back, I am under a love induced coma. Nothing else is real. No one else matters as long as you are next to me. I could stare at you all day. Everyone could be screaming my name, but with you around their calles are faint and far away. So easy to block out. Your words and arms shut them all out. You have a hold on me.