I am sitting at home all alone. You are out with someone else having a great time. Is it better than what you expected. You texted me last night and told me you forgot your phone, can't talk, call me in the morning.....what the fuck is that? What a bunch of shit! I can't believe this is happening to me. I can't believe you are doing this. What happened? What happened? I am in shock! The love, respect, is gone! Why?! WHY?! I love you. Please make everything all better. I know when you walk through that door you had sex. Maybe many times. I want to throw up. I am sick. I don't know what to do. This house is too quiet. It is waiting for you to come back. But it is waiting for you to come back as if nothing happened. As is nothing changed. I can't stop change. I have to roll with change or get left beind. I don't want to get left behind. I need to go with the changes. The changes are that you are not the same. You do not love me anymore. I need to learn to be by myself and enjoy being bymyself. You are like a drug I need to get over. I need rehab. SO stupid. They say that this is for the better I don't know about that. Make it better now. I want this nightmare to end now. I want my old life back. It is not coming back. It is not coming back. Almost everyhting has been shattered. Almost everything. I miss your love. I miss you. I miss everything. I want to be your everything. You used to call me ALL the time. NOW you are giving someone else your attention. They don't desearve it. She doesn't even have enough respect for your "relationship" to have her divorce. Not even enough respect to wait until her husband is not going out of town to sneek you in. How can you not have enough respect for yourself to see that? Please, you are better than that. You know that. I would never do that. I am a good girlfriend. I have made huge mistakes, but I am loyal and honest and genuine, funny, loving, easy going, tender, commpassionate, considerate, dotting. Come on! You are the only one I want to share myself with. When will this be over?! Please come back, let's forget everything. Let's move away. I love you. Let's just be. You and me, always. I don't want anything to hurt you. PLease I love you. This is beyond painful. My heart wont stop beating so fast, so hard. I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. The only way I can get the pain to stop is to pretend you don't even exist. But that only lasts a while. How can I get you off my mind and still heal. Or how can you still be on my mind and I can still heal? PLease let me rest now. I have no energy. I just want to be happy, I need to learn to do that all by myself. Time makes is harder. PLease please please please please. Go away pain, go away, you hurt too much. I can't even cry. I feel like someone is putting pressure on my chest. Please please please help me.


Just let him go, be there, let him go, breath, it is all out of your hands. All you can do is take it one step at a time and breath. Just fucking breath. Take it slow. I can do this slowly, queitly, carefully, I need t be good to myself. Please let me just breath and feel better a little bit at a time.